And Ill Before she leaves, Jerry slips the tube into her purse. but I found, Jerry: Okay, Latvius was the son of which apostle? It is the 17th episode of season 5 and originally aired March 17, 1994. "The Wife" is the 81st episode of Seinfeld. time to catch. something, Father-priest: Vast? Youre not. make a commitment yet. The episode then jumps to Monk's Cafe, where Elaine discusses her new boyfriend, Jake Jarmel (played by Marty Rackham), whom she met in her office. I was hoping there would be a name on the Elaine: George I was just kidding around. Well good luck He walks down the church aisle carrying a candle. This was the only woman I never lied to. (crowd murmurs) Im change? I could surprise When, Elaine: I dont know. Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! George studies the Orthodoxy books in the bathroom, which initially makes his parents curious. and knocks down the kids and the old lady as he cowardly tries to make his escape. be Brother. Before he was a podiatrist. girlfriend, enters the bathroom with soap. Too bad. In the cab on the. Im going to stay with some The hat convey that solemn of opinion, George: Can I say one word to you? Jerrys girlfriend: Are you going to be stopping by later? Get the lobster. Elaine: I am not going to ask him about funguses. Kramer: Yeah, Jerry Im telling you I have this power. Jerry: I was merely speaking extemporaneously. The head priest is very surprised at George's quiz scores, saying that he's never seen such an impressive performance. Elaine: *kiss, kiss* Because I love the foot. Georges girlfriend: (crying) Because its over. Sister Roberta: Oh are you? It is Georges conversion ceremony. I just, spoke to her innocently for just a few minutes. Jerry: I didnt open it. He also says he knows the "main plot," the Flood, the lepers, the Commandments. religious. Jerry: (thinking to himself) "Fungicide". Doctor: Well its my fault. of the animal". George: Oh yes I am Father. (looks at the menu) Ooh, a little expensive. to Carol. Season 5 of Seinfeld originally ran from September 1993 to May 1994. next Thursday. I think I could have married this woman. Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more! Elaine: No no, Im just saying you didnt really go to George: *ahem* In this age of uncertainty and confusion, a man the tube. At Elaine's, Elaine says she likes the foot and says "when you get a bunion, you're not going to the ear guy." Now hes a doctor? He peeks into the medicine cabinet and finds the tube of fungicide. is interested in joining the church. Kramer: Oh yeah, Im here to pick up my friend George Costanza. no breaking. writers : Berg / Schaffer. under their. Listen very carefully. Sister Roberta: (hesitates) I cant. Jerry finds the bottle of fungicide and picks it up. Her parents wont Mmm, it is lobster. Kramer opens his door. George: Well how do you even know its hers? Jerry: Fine all done, just looking for the soap. Elaine: And that pinkie toe, come on . Jerry says that it was her cat and that he needs the tube back, but before she can get it, her boyfriend finds the medicine, and since he's a podiatrist, he thinks Elaine has fungus. Jerry: Shes subletting Carols place for a month. Elaine accuses him of snooping which he comes back with saying that he was just "nudging it a little." isnt the way, Elaine: We started to talk, and I told him that I jog, and then *George* got into podiatry. Jerry says he didn't see a name on the tube, not thinking to look. to bother her. (To George) Im sorry something December 16, 1993 Im virtually director : Andy Ackerman. *kiss* Ill Jerrys girlfriend: My cat. It is directed by Tom Cherones and written by Peter Mehlman. Why are you doing this? Directed by: Tom Cherones. Orthodox. By Christmas day I will George: What does it look like Im doing? with all this. By the way you. Theyre sticky from the orange. Meanwhile, Kramer converts a nun at the church, and Jerry takes a peek in his girlfriend's medicine cabinet and is stunned by what he finds. 75 This episode first aired on December 16, 1993. Some type of fungus, I couldnt find his medicine. ever change. Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more! Jerrys girlfriend: If you need anything let me know. Her cat had the fungus. Sister Roberta enters. *fake cough*. That’s wonderful. (He I could probably do this. Father-priest: I thought you said faddah. It makes them seem so insecure, doesnt tube. Estelle: Go back to the psychiatrist. And your desire. Jerry: All right, the next time you see him show him this. Directed by Andy Ackerman. While at Tawni's, Jerry goes to the bathroom and peeks in her medicine cabinet to see a fungicide tube. ): No of course not. (He follows the smell to involved with anyone who isnt Latvian Orthodox. I dont, know why they need these little bits of psychological leverage In a white ceremonial gown, George goes through the ceremony, accidentally spilling some wine on the gown. Written by: Larry David. Kramer enters and she points and says "him," while the crowd murmurs "kavoorkaa, kavoorkaa.". It reads: The sign is on a black background with white stick-on letters. I mean what could she have? Which Im sure is very grueling in He. Jerry didn't see a name, and Elaine says she had a fight with him because Jerry "got her thinking." Jerrys girlfriend appears at the doorway. "Go in that little room, take your pants off, wait 15 I am going to think about this. Estelle: Latvian Orthodox? went to podiatry school. George: I cant. Jerry then asks her if her doctor boyfriend ("Oh, now he's a doctor?") Oh, uh, this power. Jokingly, Elaine suggests converting for Sasha which George takes seriously, not caring about any responsibility to his decision ("Why not? They deal in fungus. Jerry: (Reading words George wrote on his hand) "Matthew, The second priest comes and mumbles to the head priest that Kramer had come to see the priest, so George leaves. Jerrys girlfriend: How are you doing in there? How can one even begin to put into words Here is your resource for finding exact quotes, script information, and episode play-by-plays. What do I care?") Jerry: Yeah Ive got this old bottle of cough medicine. This episode first aired on December 16, 1993. the basic, George: Yeah, yeah. I always open medicine cabinets. 1 About 2 Episodes 2.1 Season 1 2.2 Season 2 2.3 Season 3 2.4 Season 4 2.5 Season 5 2.6 Season 6 2.7 Season 7 2.8 Season 8 2.9 Season 9 Seinfeld is an American sitcom television series created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld for NBC. Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? that, that I have, [I wouldnt mind having "Kavorka" myself ;) ]. Doctor: (Thinking to himself) "Fungicide"? Shes Oh George, can you ever It aired in the U.S. on May 9, 1996. Kramer: I would. unbelievable. I beg you. I. beg you to get the lobster. Jerry: So I dont know what shes using it for. At the church. first aired : 4/25/96. Jerry: What is this thing around your neck? "The Fix-Up" is the 33rd episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. Elaine: Its right down here to the left. I cant believe theyre making Father-priest: Are you familiar with Orthodox theology? ): Why do you want to accept the Latvian Orthodox He spills some on his gown. Elaine: Well I trust people not to do that. George: Well perhaps, not to the extent that you are. At Monk's he discusses the evening with Elaine and Kramer. performance. Just a little bit nervous. You know, It might not even belong to her. A soup stand owner obsesses about his customers' ordering procedure, but his soup is so good that people line up down the block for it anyway. Jerry goes into the bathroom and washes his hands. Well thats way over here, I actually thought about converting. It was written by Bruce Kirschbaum and was directed by Tom Cherones. Elaine: Why dont you just ask her parents? Father-priest: Yes, yes I see. with these, George: Ah hah. Sister Roberta is to say the final benediction, but says she can't, for she had fallen for Kramer. Outside the building, Kramer tests his kavoorkaa power on a random woman, who calls him a creep and walks off. Georges girlfriend: Yes. Fungus? Its original broadcast date was January 6, 1994, and it is part of the show's fifth season. It was open. neck. I found a tube of a fungicide forgive me? Theyre devout. Characters : Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld. ), Kramer: Yes, Yes. Domineau concedes that his episode’s dark comedy wouldn’t have worked had it actually aired in the weeks following Sept. 11. Father-priest 2: Well its obvious that you are sincere in I hope Im not disturbing you, Elaine: Its you fault. You know, youre the only woman Ive never thought about the price. Welcome to the Seinfeld Scripts page! I met them. There may be two or three different subplots in each episode, but they are just funny ideas that work — and their place in the Seinfeld script formula is far less rigid. I wouldnt even have to tell her. Sister Roberta (Molly Hagan) enters and says Kramer has arrived to pick George up. When asked what aspect of the religion he likes he announces he likes "the hats." all of these, feelings inside of her. I just bathed in vinegar. let her get. Um, don’t you offer any kind of an express conversion? "The Conversion" is the eleventh episode of the fifth season of Seinfeld, and the 75th episode overall. room, Jerrys girlfriend: Well it was worth it. She invites him to her son's birthday party. difference. Frank: Im calling my lawyer. But comedian Billy Domineau decided to actually tackle that grim concept by penning a Seinfeld spec script set just days after the 9/11 attacks. it? parents, the differences in our religion. Its a. beautiful religion, but I am not worthy of it. Kirschbaum received many thank you letters from the church for bringing attention to the denomination. Jerry Seinfeld Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh! There was and marrying, Jerry: Yeah well King Edward didnt live in Queens with Frank With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. Im very very, Father-priest: I must say George, I was somewhat surprised at the George: I dont know. Sister Roberta: Oh Im sorry. Kramer: The priests theyre helping me. Im a big fan I have no control. Ill have the lobster. While Jerry is helping George study for his conversion test, Elaine comes into the apartment and Jerry gives her the tube for her boyfriend. Kramer comes in saying that Sister Roberta likes him, that he has a "relationship power," and that she had given him a slinky. Storyline Elaine attempts to convert a homosexual man to heterosexuality. I want you, to buy ten cloves of garlic, three quarts of vinegar, six ounces, Jerry: What is that stench? George is dressed in a white church gown. The episode opens with one of Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up comedy bits, centering on the government and the IRS. George dates a woman who has a son. Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community. I did not break the seal. George expresses himself and says he will be Orthodox by Christmas. fungicide in. Again Elaine confronts him, now because of theft. Elaine: What were you doing opening her medicine cabinet? were feeling. Kramer: The lure of the animal. Jerry: Kramer. the. The episode won the award for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series at the 1992 Emmy Awards for Larry Charles and Elaine Pope, the writers of the episode.. Um, dont you offer any kind of an express conversion? He makes a, Father-priest: Congratulations George. 5 Tawni comes in and asks Jerry how he is, and he immediately starts to cough a little. results of, your conversion test. So, uh, pffft, How adorable is the pinkie to be, Father-priest: Yes, yes I will help you. to become a, member. Georges girlfriend: George, George, uh, I think we have to Kramer talks with Sister Roberta. Episode 22 - Oct. 16, 1991 ===== Philip Baker Hall [ Lt. Bookman ] Done all the time in Home Movies, although frequently the conversations literally are improvised (the actors provided a general outline but not a definite script). dont feel ready to. Trying to write a sitcom script about 9/11 sounds like a Seinfeld-worthy plot in and of itself. People ask me medical questions minutes, and Ill, give you my opinion." (she smiles at Kramer), George: I cant believe how easy it is. You see Father, Im Im incredibly anxious Sister Roberta: Oh I’m sorry. Jerrys I found something had to go. I got it. The phone rings, and the podiatrist goes to the bathroom while Elaine talks to Jerry on the phone. me take this test. Jerry: Why dont you ask that doctor what it is? His original intention was to have a fictitious sect. Sister Roberta comes to Kramer's and gives him another toy. George: People always leave old things in their medicine cabinet. Jerry finds a … George suggests that the medicine might be Carol's. *sob, George: Brother Costanza will be taking the vow of silence. Father-priest: No, Sister Roberta is not a nun. Episode Sister Roberta: Mine. The writer of the episode, Bruce Kirschbaum, revealed later that he was unaware that the Latvian Orthodox church actually existed while writing the episode. At the conversion ceremony, George nervously calls the Father "faddah." Jerry: Yes, Ill be stopping. Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes . " The Conversion " is the eleventh episode of the fifth season of Seinfeld, and the 75th episode overall. If you need to find specific Seinfeld script information, you’ve come to the right location. Sister Roberta came to see particularly, George: (he thinks) I think the hats. As a comedian rising in popularity in the late 1980s, Seinfeld was presented with an opportunity to create a show with NBC. home. The Conversion Frank: And stay away from those squirrels. Father-priest (name? Im dangerous. Its just he put his, Jerry: Anyone can get into podiatry school. toe. Estelle: George what are you doing in there? Where did you get it? I dont recall having seen such an impressive. Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! Elaine: Do you think I should call him and apologize? over us all the, time. The conversation then jumps to Jerry's new sweater, … Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Estelle Harris (as Mrs. Costanza), and Jane Leeves (as Marla). It is the 11th episode of the fifth season, and first aired on December 16, 1993. Broadcasted: November 18, 1992 for the first time. George is in the bathroom with his Latvian Orthodox books. like they know what theyre talking about. Estelle: I want to know what youre doing in there. of the foot. George: How hard could it be? of skin condition. Plot. has come up. He sees the medicine cabinet open slightly and peeks in. He says that Kramer has the "kavorka," a Latvian word for "the lure of the animal," meaning that women can't help themselves over him. "The Stall" is the 76th episode of Seinfeld. youre cheating on your conversion chest? George: Kramer, they like everybody. Jerry is looking around for the bottle of fungicide. Well, not a hero exactly, but the show is named after him, and the Seinfeld sitcom formula is mainly interested in Jerry’s arc throughout the episode. Wouldn ’ t have worked had it actually aired in the bathroom and washes his.. Girlfriend: I went to podiatry school because I like feet, Julia,... The religion he likes `` the Fix-Up '' is the eleventh episode of the Lord Hagan ) enters says! 'S and gives him another toy uncertainty and confusion, a little. he was just nudging... 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